June 30, 2011

When it comes I wanna wail... MAAAAAAAIL!

So today's mail was pretty fabulous to say the least.  We recieved 4 packages!

The first was from P31 Creations which was a TON of hairbows and ribbons.
The second was from Priceless Designs which was more flowers and headbands!

We also got a package from the wonderful Jess Shea.  She gave us an adorable sundress and a ladybug creeper! She also gave us the cutest maryjane socks! Kris and I had seen ones like them before but I couldnt justify that much for socks, so I was SUPER excited that they were given to us!!

And not to be outdone, my Aunt Linda sent us a HUGE package and the best part is, she gave us every size! We got a jumper in 0-3, onsies in 18 months, sundresses in 24 months, and more than I can list! Its so nice to know that she has more than just newborn and 0-3 clothes!

In the mail we also got one more surprise... her social security card!! :) She officially exists in the US! Add i a couple of cards for Emmalee and a new Netflix and I'd say the mail was pretty awesome today!

June 27, 2011

Two Weeks.

Emma had her pediatrician's 2 week check up today and my, oh my has she grown!

Today she was 8 lbs 10.5 oz and 21.5 inches long!
At birth she was 8 lbs 6 oz, and dropped down to 7 lb 15 oz, and was 19 inches!
at her 5 day appointment she was 8 lbs even so she's put on on ounce a day! and grew more than an inch each week!

The doctor says her clavical has healed, she has a bump when the bones fused together again but the bump will be "recycled" into her bones as she hits her growth spurts so it will be gone eventually.

She also commented about how strong Emmalee is.  Emmalee was fighting her as she tried to take off her diaper and rotate her hips.  She laughed and said we had done well with a healthy, strong baby.  And honestly, that's the only thing that matters.

Her belly button started to bleed a bit, and thnakfully, its normal.  The docor told us we could give her a legitamate bath and the water would help the scab she has.  Otheriwse, were not supposed to clean it or treat it like the umbilical cord was still there.  Clean during a bath, wipe if her belly is dirty and when the scab falls off, she should be all set!

Also, she still has greenish muck in her eyes.  She had it in the hospital but two weeks later, shes still got it.  The doctor gave us a prescription for eye drops to help her until the culture comes back to see what it is/whats causing it.  Our biggest fear is that its an allergy to the puppies, but like the docor said, where she's not coughing or developing a rash, its simmply in her eyes, her thought is that its not an allergy but rather a locked tear duct.  Obviously that makes us much happier to hear because we immediately started thinking about what would have to happen to the pups and it sucked. Obviously my duaghter comes before the dogs and if  they are a harm to her, they'd have to go, but they are a part of our family and it would suck to have to say goodbye.

But, for now, we dont have to make any moves or decisions until the culture comes back and we'll go from there!

but on a VERY happy note, NICK IS HOME!!! :)
I didnt write much becuase I didnt want to ruin the surprise on my mom but now that he's home and he's surprised her at lunch I can write again and not have to censor myself!! yey!!

I'm so excited to go see him and have him meet his neice! :)

June 25, 2011

Belly Button!

EMMALEE GOT HER BELLYBUTTON TODAY!

No idea why I'm so excited about this but not looking at a dried up stump of blood stuck to her belly is wonderful! So in this superduper quick little blog I'm just going to be excited about her brand new bellybutton and not focus on the fact that she screamed through her newborn pictures yesterday.  Ya, oh well.  I guess I take enough pictures of her that if not a single one came out well, we'll have enough pictures of her. I'll write about that tomorrow since we have no plans except for lay on the couch together.

<3

June 22, 2011

A Scare & A Success.

So this morning was a bit scary.  When I went to move in bed I felt something strange happen.  I felt something come out of me.  I yelled to Dave to come lay with her so i could use the bathroom. Sure enough, when  pulled down my pants, there was a ping pong ball sized clump of blood.  I started to freak out just a bit, obviously afraid that I was hemmoraging, and trying to think back the past few days to gauge how much blood I had seen.  Even though I couldnt think of anything out of the ordinary I wanted to call the doctor about the clot.  At the hospital last week I had a MUCH smaller clot, like the size of a paperclip, and the nurse had said it was ok, but anything larger and they needed to be informed.

I called my doctors office, explained what had happened and the receptionist asked "How fast can you get here? Can you be here at 9:40?" and it was 8:50 so i said yes, no problem but Im thinking to myself "Why do I need to get there right away?" Obviously I'm scared at this point. I packed up Emmalee and we went to Wareham so I could get checked out. Thankfully, after an internal exam, the doctor told me that it was simply a very large clot left over from the birth and my uterus has probably shrunk and had to push it out. So I can relax and not freak out about anything going wrong.  I'm not overdoing activities and I'm not hurting myself so I get to keep going and just need to wait for my body to recover.

But while at the doctors I did get a nice surprise! I stepped on the scale and... wait for it... wait for it...

I'm back to my prepregnancy weight already!!!!

9 days post partum and I'm back down to what I was before. I can tell that the weight is in different places; my boobs are bigger, my stomacch needs a good toning and my arms and face are skinnier but I want to keep going.  I've had weight issues since my bobbs came in back in seventh grade and I've always fluctuated up and down.  I reached my heaviest point (while not pregnant) December of 2008.  I kept getting it down and down but then after the wedding I got comfy again plus the pregnancy and its all come on.  My goal is to keep losing weight.  I have a number in mind, which I dont want to share quite yet, but I am hoping that I can get there.  But for now, I'll just pride myself on getting back to zero preggo weight!

June 21, 2011

You'll Only Like This Post If You're Pregnant.

So today we had to go to the store, again, for things I needed. Kinda irks me.  Thankfully we were going to visit my mom at work so we could do it all at once but otherwise, I would NOT have wanted to go run errands.  It made me think "I wish I had known to have all of that BEFORE she came" so this is my unsolicited advice to you, my list of supplies I couldnt live without for the week (or so) after little one joined us.

1. Colace, or any stool softener.  They gave me it twice a day in the hospital and as gross as it sounds, even soft, the first moevemnt is painful as hell.  I had to pick it up.

2. Tucks medicated pads. Usually used for hemmeroids or if you tear but I didn't have either... and I still would have cried if I didnt use them.  Scratch that, I DID cry... thank god my mom knew where t steer me for relief.

3. Pads.  Ya, I was told but I didnt realize HOW MANY I would need.  I killed a package of 32 supers between Thursday and Monday. Lots of blood and they are SUPER uncomfortable with the heat.  I had ONE package and definately had to go out and get more today.

4. Nursing pads... and a lot of them.  Right now my boobs leak if she starts crying.  I am literally wearing nursing pads all day long because they are just out of control until they get regulated.  I was given a box of 60 at my shower; I just bought another box because I DO NOT want to run out.  A big wet spot right over your nipple is neither comfortable nor attractive.

5. Sleeper gowns.
We were given two by my mom at the shower.  When we went shopping on Saturday, we bought two more.  Today, I bought 5 more.  They are the most convenient things Emmalee wears.  As light as a onsie but with the open bottom, there are no snaps or buttons or zippers.  All you have to do is pull it up and it's easy access to the diaper. The best part is: they are approved for sleep so a pajama day easily becomes bedtime :)

6. And speaking of bedtime. Mom bought us the Fisher Price Rock N Play Sleeper as one of our first baby gifts and I would be LOST without it. 

It is wonderful.  If she is not in mine or Dave's arms, she's in her sleeper. Emmalee sleeps in it at night, its small enough to be right next to the bed and I can pick her up without getting out of bed myself.  It's super lightweight and we bring it into the living room to sleep in during the day while Dave and I are in there.  it's collapsible so it's easy to carry around and the best part for us... it's too high for the pups to bug her!She has a bouncy seat but when she's in it, they try and kiss her.  In this, she's high enough that they can't.

So those are my top 6 things I NEEDED this week.  Hopefully, the list will help you get ready!

June 20, 2011

It's Been A Week Already!

Oh my goodness! Emmalee has already been around for a full week! It's just insane to me.  The week has flown by.  This weekend was especially busy.

Saturday was amazing and wonderful and I cant even put into words how much I loved it. David decided to go to the parade with my brother and my dad so I took advantage of spending the day with my mom and sisters while he was gone.  My mom is crazy and so amazing and so excited for Emmalee. When we got there she already had a bag full of pink blankets and clothes ranging from newborn to 0-3 months.  Pink cheetah pink leggings, purple polka dot onsies, all girly and all wonderful.  My mom commented that the outfit Em was wearing on Saturday was one of the outfits she had bought for her so we'd have to go exchange it. :) Needless to say, while running errands at the bank and going to the stores, we ended up with another bag of baby girl clothes when we exchanged one outfit.  Also, Mom brought me to BJ's and bought us a year membership! We have a BJ's right down the street and between the savings on gas and the amazing discounts on diapers and wipes.. I'm amped.  I never realized how many diapers a newborn would go through; we've easily used one and a half packages of diapers already.  Thankfully we have a TON right now so we'll be good for a bit more. We may have to buy more newborn sizes before she gets to the 1's but we'll see.  We visited friends, Emmalee went to her first baseball game, we went shopping at the mall and stayed at my moms until 11:30 when the boys finally got home. 

Sunday was another busy day.. and we started it with a tubby!! Emmalee is NOT a fan of baths yet, but if she's anything like me, she'll grow to LOVE them.







Going to meet Emmalee's great grandparents and some more family members at a clamboil.  She slept most of the day but Dave's dad is VERY loud (he puts my dad to shame), so she kept twitching and waking up :/
After, we came home and she got to meet her Godmother Nichole :)


It was SO wonderful having Nichole and Lizz over for a bit and since we saw one godparent, we had to go visit the other. We made plans to meet with Lakey at the Friendly's in Middleboro and kind of kill two birds with one stone.  Obviously, I wanted to get up there to show her off to my old coworkers and since he lives right down the street, it made sense! Can I get super excited for a minute?? she made it through a WHOLE meal!! She had to get changed but for our first trip "out", you know at a place where I cant just feed her when she cries, she did so well!  Her eyes were open and she was saying hi to people!

Another person she LOVES saying hi to? The pups! They have been so so good with her.  they like to come up to her and kiss the top of her head.  Anyone who knows Bailey knows she is an insane kisser, but with Emmalee, she does 2 and then backs away.  sable, who DOESNT give kisses, does the same thing.  If we put her in her yellow sleeper and put it near the couch, the pups will sit on the end of the lounge and watch her.  If shes laying on her back on the couch or the bed, they'll come lay with her.  Im just so happy that they are ok with her because thinking of having to get rid of them if there were problems scared the hell out of me.




I just uploaded a TON of pictures onto facebook.  I've taken 70+ pictures in the few days that we've been here and honestly, they are all of her.  I have a decent point and shoot camera, a Kodak easyshare but its only a 3x zoom and I already know what I'm asking Santa for... a new digital camera.  Mom bought us a great videocamera last christmas and we've already taken a ton of videos but I would REALLY like a new camera. I keep looking at digital SLR's and hopefully I'll figure out a way to get one without spending a small fortune!

Well, little one just woke up and my boob is strating to leak so I guess its time to go. <3

June 17, 2011

The first couple days.

It's already Friday. Yikes. I've pretty much lost track of time, napping when she naps, eating between those naps and really, the days just roll into each other.

Everyone says its hardest going home and in some respects, it is.  I have no idea what she wants sometimes and she just cries. But I know I am lucky with her, it could always be worse.  A friend had her baby on Tuesday and watching her updates, makes me thankful for Emma.  Her poor daughter has had a ton of bloodwork and seems to eat and poop on the hour so when I get 5 hours of straight sleep, I remind myself it could be worse.

Emma sleeps a TON, and no, I'm not complaining.  Like I siad, she sleeps for a stretch at night, wakes up to snuggle/eat, and then goes right back to bed.  During the day, the same thing. 

Her eating habits are weird and extremely frustrating. Sometimes she'll latch for 5 minutes and be done and sometimes she'll eat for 45 minutes straight.  Obviously I worried that she wasnt getting enough when she only ate for a half hour yesterday morning, had 1 short around 3 and then a long meal again at 10.  However, today at the pediatrician he said she was gaining weight so obviously she is getting enough to eat.  He related it to eating a side of fries as opposed to eating a turkey dinner with all the fixin's.  Some time, you just want a side of fries... especially if you had a 4 course meal for breakfast. Other than my boobs feeling massive until they can start to regulate the demand and supply, I really cant complain that she doesnt want to eat every 2 or 3 hours... she latches when she wants, and finishes when she wants.  She's pushy and opinionated, but hey, she's mine, so did I expect anything else?

I do feel bad for dave sometimes.  Emma has a definate preference for me.. obviously, she lived inside of me and my smell and my heartbeat are the most familiar things to her, but I can tell it makes him sad.  He said today that he feels like he doesnt help because she cries with him and quiets when she goes to me but omg,is he wrong.  I dont know how someone could do it alone.  Its all silly things like getting me a drink so I dont have to move her, making lunch and dinner while I was with her.  I really hope he realizes how much he's helping me, even if he doesnt feel like hes helping with her.

Tomorrow, we get tos pend the day with my mom! It will be the first time since the hospital that all 3 of us havent been together.  He's going to the Bruins parade with my dad and brother while I get to spend the day at home with mom and the girls! She's all packed up and ready to go, we just need to cross our fingers that she sleeps enough tonight so I'm awake all day!

I will do my best to update with pictures and stories as we do more but you know, having a  newborn is time consuming so don't get angry if it takes me a while. :) 

June 16, 2011

She's Here!! Aka.The Longest Post Ever

So its official--- we have a baby!!! <3

Emmalee Meredith Gifford
6.13.11 * 3:52 am
8 lbs 6 oz * 19 in.

She is amazing and wonderful and between her, the hospital, and my laptop acting funny, it's taken a few days to write this.  I didnt think you'd mind though. Some parts are gross and you may never look at me the same but you're reading about a baby delivery, obviously there's going to be blood and poop.  :)

So where to begin? Sunday.

Sunday started with me being a brat.  I was 41 weeks, hadn't complained all week and was restless to do something.  Dave and I pretty much relaxed all day.  Had lunch together, watched tv and before bed we watched the Heat/Maverick's game right before bed.  Miami lost and I was amped.  I was posting on Facebook around 11 pm to my cousin and just enjoying the fact that Baby BronBron didn't get his championship. Dave and I went to bed shortly after and at 12:30, I felt a 'pop' inside of me and ran to the bathroom.  Sure enough, my water had broke. :)

So I called the doctor and he was asking me about pain and contractions but since I wasnt having any yet he gave me the option to go to the hospital and get checked out or get some rest, wait and go to the hospital for 6 am.  I told him I'd talk to Dave, see if I started to have contractions and we'd decide from there.  I walked from my living room to the bedroom and had my first, pretty painful contraction.  I told Dave what the doctor said and went to the bathroom becuase I felt sick.  Between vomiting and contractions that were coming stronger and faster I was starting to think we should go.  I left the bathroom, wlaked to the living room and it felt like someone put a hook in my lower back and just pulled.  I was on my toes, almost in tears and looked at Dave and said "We need to go" so he got up, dressed, grabbed my last minute things and strated out the door.  I had 2 more contractions between our apartment and walking to the car, they were getting much closer and stronger. 

Thankfully Im a geek and had downloaded a contraction timer app the other day.  It was wonderful, contraction starts, hit the button, contraction ends, hit it again.  It records how long and how frequent.  The ride there was terrible.  My lower back was throbbing and they just kept getting worse. 

We got to the hospital at 1:20.  Dave dropped me at the ER entrance, parked and ran back to me.  The nurse saw me trying to walk and having a contraction at the same time so she wheeled me up to maternity.  My doctor had given them a heads up that I may be in becuase I had called but being a first time mother, with no contractions when I called, they didn't really think I would be there that fast.  They were setting up the room and they told me to get a jonny on so they could check and make sure I had actually ruptured and see how far I had progressed. The nurse asked what my contractions were at and I simply handed her my phone.  Apparently they were a minute or so long coming every 2 to 3 minutes.  While changing, I peed and it looked like blood, voided, and vomited but I was good and vommed in the trashbag and no where else.  Do all this at the same time in the middle of a contraction... best.feeling.ever.  I kept apologizing to the nurses because I had and they were thirlled becuase it just meant I wouldnt do it on the table while delivering. lol. I laid down and they set up a monitor for the babys heart and my contractions so we could monitor them.  Baby looked good and my contractions were coming strong but they kept making me roll to my side.  Unfortunetly because my contractions were so close they couldnt get a blood pressure reading becuase I'd start the next contraction before it could finsih.  They made me lay on my side because its supposed to help the BP and its easier on the baby.  The nurse checked me out and informed me I was still around 4 or 5 cms.  I was pissed. 

I strating asking for pain meds becuase I was in that much pain and not progressing, I wouldnt be able to do it all night.  The nurse kept syaing no becuase the doctor had to examine me first.  They cant give the pain meds too early.  Because the nurse wouldnt let me on my back, I had no pressure against my lower back and thats where all the pain was.  I started climbing up the sides of the hospital bed because it was all I could do to help the pain.  The nurse was nce though and moved the monitor so I could watch my contractions.  I could see when I'd hit the peak of it and when it was starting back up.  That helped me a bit but I still wanted meds.

While I was contracting, Dave had called mom and I kept asking for her.  Apparently she had been given a hard time coming and was waiting outside of maternity.  I may have spoken rudely to the nurses and told them to get her in the room asap. Oops.  It was nice having her.  She kind of calmed it down, told Dave to get me a wet washcloth for my head and really just made it easier.  I love Dave but he knows I dont want somoene rubbing my back or telling me to breathe and the nurse kept telling him to do those thinsg so he was caught in the middle; my mom on his/our 'side' was definately wlecoming for him and me.

So I'm still a big baby and asking for meds but the doctor isnt there yet and pissed off, I go "Am I even dialating anymore or am I just sitting at  or 5 still?" So the nurse checks and says its about 6 or 7 but stop thinking about numbers because it will happen, I just need to keep breathing and all that jazz. The doctor shows up a bit later, just before 3 am.  He comes in to see me and asks how everything is, the nurses update him and I asked if I could just gte some pain meds because it hurts and if it's so slow I cant do it all night.  He checks me and says "Nope, your complete, it's time to get the baby out". Awesome. No pain meds at all. Great. So I get told to push. I'm pretty sure I put an elephant to shame with the noises I was making but I kept apologizing to everyone for them.  Mom made fun of me becuase even in the middle of everything, I kept stopping and saying hi to every new nurse that came through the doors. :)  I pushed for 45 minutes, still apologizing the whole time for my noises and feeling like I had poop. 

The doctor had asked Dave if he'd like to tell me what the sex is and Dave said yes so I'm pushing and pushing and pushing... the doctor tells me two more good pushes and I can feel the head crowning.  There was an extra bump feeling at the very top and the baby had apparently gotten a bit stuck.  Even with my big pushes, she did not want to come out so my doctor asked for the olive oil (no, I cant make this up), lubed up her head and told me one more good push. Out she came!

The doctor held her up uside down and the way Dave saw, he couldnt see the genitals so he  had no idea.  He goes "Umm, maybe a boy?" and the doctor laughed and goes "You may want to check again".  She we had a beautiful little girl who arrived at 3:52 am.  Dave ended up cutting the cord and Emma was placed on my chest immediately.  There are no words for it.  Even though I was yelling at David to get a vasectomy the whole time I was contracting, I was so in love with her and him and everythign felt so amazing. 

Tobey is great because they really push the Baby Friendly aspetcs of skin to skin bonding before any meausremnets are taken so Emmalee stayed on me until almost 7 am.  They came in at that point to weigh and meaure her.  ONce again, Dave was amazing and in formed me that rather than 8 lbs 6.4 oz... he said she was 6. 4 lbs.  Love him.  The nurse quickly corrected him and we joked about being 2 for 2 with his information.  She measured at 19 inches but when Dave texted people, he said 12.  So instead of my big, healthy baby girl... people were thinking I had given birth to a midget son. Haha.


The two days in the hospital flew by.  She fed well, sleeps for super long stretches and is just generally happy.  We loved having our visitors and she got some SUPER cute outfits!  The nurses all loved her and between David and I, we got to really bond with her and become a family. As we were getting ready to leave on Wednesday, I noticed a small gray bump on her right shoulder.  I asked the pediatrician to look at it and she ordered an xray for Emma.  They brought her out and when she came back in about a half hour later, they told us that because she had come out so quickly, she must have bumped one of my bones and she had fractured her right clavical.  :(  Obviously, being so little, there's really nothing we can do about it.  It will heal on its own and we pretty much just have to wait for that.  We informed the pediatrician so he will check it out tomorrow when we go get a check up.


She seem to doesnt complain about the pain.  It makes feeding harder because shes putting all of her weight on it but the nurses showed me a different way to hold her to help that. However, were supposed to treat it normally so that it corrects itself and she doesnt start favoring one side.


Coming home was nice and we spent the night relaxing on the couch.  I will say whoever thought of having babies CLEARLY did not think about recovery.  Its silly things like it being harder to use the bathroom, and my boobs are huge and uncomfy and sitting down too quick hurts but they are all worth it for little Miss. We're working our way through breastfeeding, sometimes doing wonderful and sometimes she gets pissed becuase it's frustrating her.  It all depends on everything else and Im still learning what she wants and needs. She sleeps through most of the night, only waking up twice the past 3 nights to feed and she LOVES the sleeper my mom bought for her to lounge in.


Its going to be difficult until we figure each other out entirely but the three of us are doing fabulous for now.


<3

June 11, 2011

Stigmatized.

I went back and forth a few times about writing this post last night. I started writing it 6 seperate times and just couldn't bring myself to finish it because honestly, I'm just too self-conscious.  I have always prided myself on looking "with it".  It's superficial and I'm not exactly proud of it but it has always been important for me to keep up appearances.  I always have a designer bag, even if it was bought at a second-hand store or at a purse party and I've always found ways to get what I want, without paying the full price for it.  It's a gift I guess but it's also just smart.  I have wants and desires but I am smart enough to know that NO bag is worth $400. . That being said, I have always made sure I was set. 

2009 was probably the greatest year I ever had.  I went on some amazing vacations, saw a couple of wonderful concerts, and I worked 7 days a week at two jobs to make sure I had those luxuries.  I never looked for a handout and I never put something silly over something important.  I paid off almost all of my debts that year, while having that much fun, because I worked even harder. 

Two days ago I wrote that David had been denied unemployment. I want to be optimistic and believe that the appeal will go through and he will get somethign but until that happens I need to be honest with myself and admit that we went from a 2 income household to a no income household in a matter of weeks.  Yes, I have a job to go back to and yes, we have money put away but we put away enough to cover me, not me and him and a new baby for god knows how long until he finds a job.

Yesterday I swallowed my pride and Dave and I went to the New Bedford Welfare office (you have no idea how hard this is to type) to get screened for assistance.  Now picture an office full of minorities, people with babies, about three languages being spoken and one other white person: the security cop.  I felt so out of place I wanted to cry right there.  Waiting in line, standing in front of everyone was terrible.  I could see everyone single one of them staring at me wondering why I was there.  We got our number and sat down and I did what every other person would have done: judged everyone else sitting in that room.  A woman was talking about how her babydaddy was watching the kid so she could come get her benefits, another walked in with not only Dunkin Donuts, but a bag of candy from Cumbys, also to get cash assistance.  I tried to listen to the 3 converstaions that were in Spanish or Portuguese but I'm apparently not fluent enough to get it.  The cop kept looking over at us, in our own little corner with a half-smile.  It was like he felt bad for us.  I could almost hear him thinking "They don't belong here". 

They called our number and we left the waiting room to get "screened", meaning they ask us a bunch of quetsions about our income, our bills, how much money we have, and what exactly we are looking for.  I wanted to cry again. It's horrible to look at someone and tell them your insecurities and then wait for them to decide if you're worth helping. 

The case worker was wonderful.  She was sympathetic and understanding and told us straight out that she was amazed we were there.  She said so many married couples are too embarrassed to come in becuase of the stigma of going for help.  She said she was happy to help us becuase we were the first people she had seen all day that truely needed the help.  It was nice to hear.  As a case worker, she gets sick of seeing women come in with their nails done, with a weave, claiming how much help they need, but then she sees them drive off with baby daddy driving his caddy and the kids unbuckled in the back seat.  Normally you get screened, and if they decide that you look eligible, you go back a few days later for a full hour long interview where you verify rent and utilities, show proof of who you are, etc and the earliest appointment she can book us was for Wednesday.  She then looked at me and said "You're probably not going to make it until then are you?" so we laughed and she asked for us to stay a few more minutes and she'd be right back.  She left and when she came back she informed us that she had pulled some strings and informed someone higher up that we were in an emergency situation since I was already overdue and had no income coming in for the past 2 weeks.  She then informed us that we had been approved for emergency food stamps but we'd have to come back still on Wed to see what else was available.  Because it's a government funded program and they like to check in with thier clients, if we don't show on Wed, they take everything back so she scribbled in huge letters... "Was due June 5th-- May not make appointment" and signed it so we are covered if for some reason we need to push it back.  She brought us out front and set us up with an EBT card and told us that today at 11 am they would deposit money that would cover our 2 family household.  When the baby does join us, we'll go back and they'll up us to a 3 person household AND put us on WIC.  In addition, she faxed the unemployment denial letter to Masshealth so that our full coverage can go through.  So in the excruiating embarrassing hour that it took to go to the Welfare office, we secured help with groceries, more help and a good diet for me while I'm breastfeeding, and health insurance that will cover labor and delivery.

Can I say that I am proud that I am now on welfare? Nope.
Can I say that I am happy that this is the position me and my family are in? Nope.

But I can be proud of myself.  Because I faced one of my biggest demons, stared down my insecurities and did what I needed to do to take care of my family and my baby. 

When I started writing the blog I was ashamed and embarrassed to share with all of you that I have become a stereotypical New Bedford welfare mother, but now I realize I havent.  I have become someone who truely put her family first and I guess that's what makes a good mom. And more importantly, I hope that I've given someone else the courage to share when they feel like its only them. 

I know that I've spoken about her a few times, but a friend of mine is battling infertility and her blog shares the everyday up and down and she's not ashamed to tell others.  Why should she be? It's her life and her family and she is doing everything she can to get what she wants and needs.  If I hadn't read her story and seen how vulnerable she has made herself to others, I may not have written this but then I think of how "in the open" she's being.  She's shedding light on infertility and making it less taboo to speak about.  Welfare is the same way.  No one wants to talk about it and no one wants to admit that they "have" it but if more people talked about it, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.  Maybe if it was the people who were embarrassed and insecure about it were the ones talking about how its helped them, maybe, just maybe, asking for help wouldn't be so stigmatizing.

June 10, 2011

Books.

So I kind of fell off the bandwagon with the whole "50 Book" thing so here's a couple more that I read recently...


I am a big fan of Dan Brown and have wanted to read this book since it came out. However, it came out right as finals were happening last semester and then I devoted all of my time to pregnancy books so this is the first one that I read just for fun.
If you like his other books, read this one.



And the beginning of the Pretty Little Liars series. Quick, easy, trashy reads that I can do in a day.  Kristian let me borrow these two and she has the others at home so as soon as I see her, I'll have more to read!  I wanted to read them because I am COMPLETELY hooked on the tv show (which starts again on Tuesday!!!) and I keep getting told how different the books are from the show.


In addition, I downloaded 7-10 books I had never heard of into the Nook.  I figure the next books will be the Pretty Little Liar ones, then I REALLY want to read Something Borrowed and Something Blue and then keep going.  It's been nice having so much free time in the past week wiating for baby to arrive that I've been able to read!

I'll keep you updated as I get frather into my list!

June 9, 2011

happinessisnowhere.

Today I am 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Honestly, I'm ok with it but you know what is frustrating... is people telling me to just relax and baby will be here when it's ready. Ummmm... I know that... I'm not trying to self-induce, I'm not posting on my wall everyday asking where baby is... I'm going about my day, obviously waiting but not stressing.  It's just obnoxious how people went from "Is it here yet?" every single day to "Oh, don't worry, it's just not time yet...". I know this, it's my body and my baby. I appreciate the concern but honestly the only thing bugging me about waiting is that it's given me time to really let it sink in that I have to deliver and then think of how different my life will be. 

This may sound terrible, but I'm ok having a couple more days where I get to just lay on the couch and not tend to anyone else.  I like that I can take a nap when I want to take a nap.  I like that I can run out to my car to check my windows without having to pack up a little one and put the pups away so they don't lay on the baby.  Am I selfish? Yes. Please don't get me wrong, david and I are so super excited for this baby but I would be stupid to deny that I am afraid of the changes that will occur once baby is here.  There are no more "quick runs to the store" or just doing whatever and that's a scary thought.  I should just be happy that we are blessed enough to be able to have a child and not think of the scary sides but, I'm human.

Another scary thought that has had time to develop while I wiat for the little one... how scary delivery is.  I keep trying to reassure myself that I'm already 4 cm, so I'm (almost) halfway there already and that will make it easier but seriously... I need to push an 8 pound child out of my vag.  (TMI alert:::) It hurts when Dave goes in sometimes, never mind, when it's 10x the size trying to come out. Laugh it up.. go ahead... but seriously, think about it. My mom jokes that I'm designed for delivery and that if I was a size 1 or 2 it would suck more but it doesnt change the fact that it is scary.  I'm afraid of crowning and the pain, and the recovery after.  Unfortunetly, the baby not coming has given me a new set of concerns... I don't know anything about being induced and there's not much information on it online.  I can find 1000 resources on inducing at home... you know, eat eggplant, have sex, jump up and down, but that's not whta I want... I want to know what happens when you're induced.  More importantly, what happens when I'm induced. I can't really ask the doctor until Monday.

What excatly are they going to do to induce me? Pitocin? Breaking my bag of water? Will I have to be hooked up to a fetal monitor and IV's if I have to go the Pitocin route?  I really didnt want to have any IV's and part of why I chose Tobey was because they were much more flexible about IV's and freedom of movement during labor and delivery.  I've heard that induction hurts and what if my body doesn't respond to the induction (even though my doctor says I have an excellent cervix), will I have to have a C-section?  I really was hoping to have as natural a birth as possible and it seems like the longer baby stays in, the farther away I get from that ideal.  The longer baby stays in, the more time I have to run these thoughts through my mind...

In other news, we got a fabulous letter saying Dave was denied unemployment because of "repeated use of vulgar language at work".  Obviously we are appealling the decision because he was never once coached at work for language.  The only time he had anything said against him was the one incident that was exaggerated that caused him to lose his job. I don't know how one incident is "repeated" but we will be fighting it, it just means we are set back a little bit farther than we had hoped to be by now.  I expected our first check this week and clearly that isn't happening.

Today, we did get to bring Bailey to the vet.  Her last annual was done May 5th of last year so we lapsed on her Rabies Vac, her distemper, her heartworm and her lyme.  I'm a terrible parent.  I've already fallen into the first child gets everything, second one gets left behind mentality. Oops.  She'll eventually be the "middle child" haha and I hope she doesn't grow to hate me.  She was great at the vet and after but she's definately in pain now.  Her bum is super sensitive and if Dave or I gets too close to her bum (where they put in the shots) she yips and cries.  She'll be ok, just sore.  She's curled up next to me right now, passed out.  Sable on the other hand is hating the weather and keeps freakiing out from that so she is also in my lap.  Thank goodness there's no baby yet or I'd have no way to hold all three! :)

And finally, my aunt has taken a turn for the worse.  I am still trying to deal with it and unfortunetly, because I can't just hop in a car and drive the hour plus away from my own hospital to be with her and her family, I feel even more isolated from her and the situation.  I asked for prayers the other day and I guess I need to explain.  She wasn't feeling well on Saturday morning and was brought to the hospital; she quickly deteriorated once she got there.  She needs a respirator to breathe and they have found liver, kidney, lung and heart damage but we're not sure why.  She was showing signs of improvement but this morning, she has started to go down again. She developed a fever and they can't figure out where it's coming from.  It feels surreal because I feel so detached from it but any prayers and support you can offer would be wonderful.  It's been a crazy day and it's just one more thing on my mind.

happinessisnowhere.

A Facebook friend posted this as her status and under it someone had commented with a sad face.  However, I read it as something happy.

Happiness is nowhere.
VS
Happiness is now here.

I read it as the second. I guess no matter how many fears or bumps are thrown in my way, I will always be a hopeless optimist.

June 8, 2011

Playing the Pregnant Card.

And did I ever...

1. My AC is on... it's only set to 75 but my god, it makes such a difference. I'm not proud of it but hey, here's my preggo card.

2. I just ordered chinese food because a. it's super stereotypical and b. I don't want to cook or add more heat to the house. Once again, here's my preggo card.

So if you don't mind, I'm going to curl up in my air conditioned apartment and watch my sports games/award shows while I wait for someone to bring me food. :)

Plymouth, 4 cm, Heat & Prayers.

This week has been quiet and not much has been going on. 

Sunday was nice since Dave and I went to Plymouth.  My former neighbor's daughter graduated from UNH and my mom was going.  She had planned on coming down here and leaving early to go back for the cookout.  Dana said Dave and I could come over so we packed up and went to Plymouth.  Not only did I get to see old neighbors who I havent seen in years but we made s'mores and mom brought us to KushKone! If you know anything at all about Manomet it's that summer is marked by two events: 1. The walls coming down at Gellar's and 2. Kushkone opens.  I was super exciited she brought us and my Watermelon Italian Ice was perfect!

Monday went to the doctor for my 40 week checkup.  Dave came with and we were expecting to hear that I hadn't progressed and had hit a wall.  Why else would I not have had contractions or any other "symptoms" since my 39 week check up when the doctor told me I was so close? Bloodpressure was a 114 over 76, still, no clue what it means. :) It's apparently good because the doctor just smiles and moves on to measuring my belly.  I measured perfect again at 40 and then it was time for another internal! Super. I hate internals and I get all tense and I feel bad because the doctor has to repeatedly tell me to relax, oops.  She informed me today that I had progressed to 4 cm and was completely thinned out.  She could feel the membrane sac, or bag of waters, or whatever you want to call it right at the base of my cervix.  She swept the membranes, meaning she ran her fingers around between the bag of fluid and my cervix.  The seperation of the two is supposed to release a horomone that sparks labor in some women.  of course, some peple get swept 3 or 4 times and still need to be induced, which is probably what will happen to me.  Whomp whomp.  It definately made me crampy, bloody and gross so I spent most of the day on the couch. 

Dave and I are both superhero fans and since I felt so gross we decided to go to the movies and see the new Xmen movie.  Really good, see it if you like the others. Plus we had the Bruins game to watch! Any Boston fan knows Monday night's game was insane. 

Tuesday was completely eventless.  I literally did nothing.  Dave and I watched a couple movies, I cleaned my whole place.. I'm talking steam cleaning the floors and couch, doing the laundry, and giving the dogs a tub.  The apartment looks great.  Then the Sox/Yankees game was on.  I'm loving the bruins game enthusiasm but it seems like people are forgetting the Sox in the mean time.  I know it's the Stanley Cup but it's also the Sox/Yankees.  I don't know... can't support two teams at once?

Today has been more of nothing.  We're trying to stay cool in this heat.  Between over 95 degree heat and this rediciulous excess weight on me, it could be extremely uncomfy.  We have a.c. in the house but I'm trying to not give into it yet.  We have the fan in our room and leave all the windows/screens open to get a breeze going through the apartment.  It's been gross today and tomorrow is going to be about 5 degrees hotter.  I may cave tomorrow.  Or maybe tonight.  Who knows. Tonight will be interesting. I need to figure out how to watch the Bruins, the Red Sox and the CMT awards, all at the same time. 

But in the meantime we'll just sit and continue to wait for this little one.  Part of me is concerned that I will have to wait until next Monday.  That would suck but it's already Wednesday so I guess it's only a few more days...

Cross your fingers and say your prayers that its soon.  And also, while you're at it, can you say an extra prayer for me as well? We have some family stuff going on and although the situation is getting better every day, the extra thoughts and prayers would be extremely appreciated. <3

June 5, 2011

It's my Due Date.

Yep, according to the doctors, the baby should be here by now.  Oops.  Doctors are the new meteorologists. Oh well.  I go to the doctors tomorrow to have another check up and see how much more I've dialated and to do a stresstest on the baby to make sure everything is still okay.

Now here's the thing.

This baby will be coming past his/her due date.  It could be another day or it could be another week.  The doctor and I can't even discuss inducing until I hit 41 weeks so for all I know, the baby could be here in a week and a half.

This is my request...

PLEASE do not call and ask if the baby is here yet.  Do not ask my mom if I've had the baby. Do not tell me that the longer the baby stays in, the harder it will be to deliver. Do not ask me if I'm frustrated that he/she is still not here; I am.  Please don't tell me to go for a walk or have sex, trust me, I've looked into all these options, baby simply doesn't want to come out.  I'm sure I sound like a bitch but it's been hard enough to listen to all these questions and comments for the past two weeks and now that the baby is late (gasp!!), I'm sure it will just get worse.

In exchange, I PROMISE that when this baby comes out, I WILL let you know.  If you are my Facebook friend, you will see a picture online.  If you are my mom's friend or colleague, she will send you a picture.  If I work with you, I will let you know. If I consider you a close friend, you WILL get a picture message and probably invited to the hospital. 

I promise I will tell you when the baby comes, if you promise not to make waiting for the baby more difficult than it already is.

If you want to call and go have lunch, I'd love to. If you want to invite me to a movie, absolutely.  A beach trip, sure. Ask me how my day is, ask how the pups are, ask how Dave is... and I PROMISE I'll chat up a storm.

When it comes to the baby, however, please reel in your excitement and please realize how hard it is for me to not only wait for my baby, but wait even longer than I had planned on. 

June 3, 2011

Three Days Later...

...and I still have a baby in me.  I know, I know, I haven't even reached my due date yet... but when a doctor says "Go home and pack because you'll probably be in labor tonight", you get excited. That was Tuesday, it's now Friday. Ugh. And honestly, I don't feel like it's happening anytime soon. :/

I know I should just relax and enjoy this time and blah blah blah...I enjoyed already.  I had time off and got to read my book, got some sun, was able to take maternity pictures... now I just want my baby and it's actually depressing me that he/she does not want to come out.  I don't know what else to do.  And I've tried the "Let's walk all day until my feet are tired" thing... no baby. Sex is supposed to help push it out... nope, no baby. I won't go as far as castor oil or other wierd things but I also I'm scared that I'll have to sit around, still doing nothing until the 13th when my doctor will finally look at inducing me...

I think the best way to describe what it feels like is when you're waiting back to hear about a job interview.  If they say 'We'll call you by Tuesday" you sit and wait and hope and check your phone every 5 minutes hoping the next ring will be IT.  Then Wednesday comes and you realize they're not calling.  That's it. You take it as a loss and move on.  However, with the baby, you can't move on because you just have to keep waiting, analyzing every movement your stomach makes, hoping that the next cramp or ripple will be the one that sparks it off.  Unlike a phone call, the baby doesn't really have that timeline and until you reach 42 weeks, no one's going to call you.

June 1, 2011

What A Day.

Today started off normal.  I tossed and turned with cramps and the need to pee an ungodly 7 times last night so I didn't get out of bed until about 8.  I started running through the things I wanted to get done, so I can stay on top of everything and don't go "Oh shit" when I do need to go to the hospital.  Laundry seemed like the most important since we had 2 loads to do and most of it was my super comfy preggo clothes that I will want in the hospital/when I get home. After that I just laid on the couch with the pups and we watched Easy A.

We had plans to go to take pictures with Jenny so we got dressed and went to Plymouth.  Jenny is one of my brotehr's best friends and we absoluetly LOVE her.  She was at our wedding, took some AMAZING shots and she literally just feels like part of the family.  She is a wonderful photographer and with me and Dave both being out of work we wanted to try and get some fat belly pictures because we had to cancel the last time we had asked to do pictures with someone else because Dave ended up being scheduled an open-close the day we were supposed to take photos. Well, anyways, we get ready and head to Plymouth.  Jenny refused to let me pay her so we picked up a gift crad to Michaels for her.  She's an amazing artist in addition to photography and I figured she would be able to use it even though she wouldn't let me give her "cash". :P

We wnet to Michaels and then stopped to visit my mom at work. She tells me that the school nurse just called and Abby messed up her arm doing a pyramid and will need to go for Xrays.  Thankfully nothing is broken but she needs to wear a sling for a couple days... she's going to be pissed if she can't hold the baby because the sling is on...

As we're leaving my mom comments "I don't wanna see you again while you're still pregnant". Thanks mom. :P But I seriously think the next time I see her, it will be in the hospital. :)

Next a stop at the mall for some crappy chicken and potatoes, followed by a trip downtown.
Downtown was beautiful.  We went to Cupcake Charlie's to get some cupcakes and I got a phone call from my brother, Nick.  As everyone knows, he's in Ohio in the Air Force and doing an amazing job.  He was given orders for Guam.  He'll leave in December and be gone for 4 years! Yikes! I'm sad and obviously scared that my brother wll be that far away but Guam was his number 1 prefernece and he is so excited that I can't help but be excited for him. I wonder what Guam's tourist industry is like... or how much a flight is... hmm....

Then we walked from the wharf down to the Mayflower.  We went to the penny candy store and sat and watched the ocean for a bit.

After, we went to Nelson park to meet Jenny.  I didnt really know what I wanted for pictures, I just knew I didnt want the stereotypical, naked woman in a dark room wrapped in a piece of tulle pictures.  I wanted something more fun.  jennyy suggested Nelson park for the playground and beach and we took some great pictures.  Then she suggested Brewster Gardens so off we headed.  The whole album is on Facebook but these are a few of my favorites...



LOVE the bridge in the back <3 


We both have bellies!



 Totally HIS idea. :P




<3

So now it's time to cheer on the Bruins, hopefully work myself up into labor and if that doesn't work... Dave and I have no more commitments for the rest of the week... sounds like we've got plenty of time to work on getting this little one out... ;)

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...