It takes a lot to make me feel defeated, like truely "I don't knwo what I'm going to defeated" but right now I am.
Obviously, Ive been extremely candid about mine and Dave's position and I expect that everyone who reads this understands how hard it can be for me to share but I want to be able to look back and say "we overcame everything" and maybe help someone else see sunshine when theyre in this position.
So let's recap.
Dave has been out of work since the first week of May. He was denied his unemployment and we are waiting to be able to appeal it, which is thank god, tomorrow but there's no guarentee that we'll win or that he'll get anything.
I have been out of work since May 29th, which was a full 2 weeks before Emmalee was born.
We had about $8,000 in the bank becuase I figured that was enough to cover my leave and then have some still in the bank when I wnet back to work.. I didnt expect that we would be covering both of us.
We currently have $1,134 left. I still need to pay this month's NStar bill, which will be about $100 and we need to come up with a deposit for our car insurance which starts again on the last day of the month, PLUS have enough to pay our $995 rent on the first of August, not to mention gas money.
I don't even see the doctor until Aug 3rd, so there is no chance of me going back to work or having a paycheck before then.
I'm pretty good at math and after doing the numbers... we're fucked.
We were fortunate enough to get the WIC vouchers so we have that but becuase our appointment with the case worker was AFTER the day I was supposed to get more snap deposited, we didn't get it. We currently have $2.26 on our SNAP card. The case worker said today that she would do what she could to have them deposited tomorrow. I hope so because as great as the WIC is, we need more than bread, milk, and peanut butter between now and August 8th when we'd get the next SNAP deposit.
So... today, we were told that we will NOT qualify for cash assistance, we have too much in "assets". Now the "assets" in question are our cars. Our cars that we have to pay almost $600 a month in car payments on. The case worker pulls up the blue book value of the crappiest condition, no extras version of our cars and thats how they determine the value of the cars. Lowest price for Dave's was $6,000 and mine was $3000. We owe MORE than that on both cars. How can that be an asset if we OWE more than what the office is saying their worth? They factor out the first $5000 of one car but with a $2500 limit, we exceed it without even looking at the bank accounts.
We have no income, have about $2000 in bills each month, but we don't qualify for help because we own two cars that we have to pay $500 a month to. How am I supposed to take care of my family and pay those bills in the next month?
I feel defeated, I feel roadblocked, and I feel like I'm doing my family an injustice; I cant take care of them I have the most amazing little ball of joy who depends on me for everything, and I cant even take care of myself right now. I feel terrible that we are in an upheaval but I thank God that she is too young to realize it. She smiles and coo's and without those I think I would have broken already.
I know it will get better, it always does and Dave and I have found a way to pull off everything we needed to, but for now, this sucks.
Anyone need a babysitter?